I am sitting at the McDonalds, in Rincon, Ga, allowing my boys to burn some energy. It has been a difficult week for Carosn and running around and screaming, climbing, sliding are good for him today.
I need to apologize to you all, my friends, for not keeping up with my blog and for not being entirely truthful with you. Since we moved here in May I have been really struggling. I have been lonely, depressed, bored, and slacking in m y spiritual walk. That I have been truthful with. The problem I have known but been unable to communicate to myself, or you, is that I have been literally drowning all these emotions in food. I have gained almost ALL of my weight back. And I feel miserable.
A month, or so, ago, Tom’s mom made the decision to pay for his sister to go on a Dr. supervised diet program. She began sharing with us some of the things she was experiencing and we started to research the diet. Since then we have decided that it seems like a good diet for me to try. We found lots of information on it and I even found an iPhone app to help me in this new process. So I took my weight and measurements today and plugged them into the app and set my start date for Saturday.
I have been afraid of the scale. I have been afraid to let Tom, or anyone else, into my fears or the embarrassment of what I have done to myself. But this app and diet require me to weigh myself daily. Ugh. And I will need to record my daily weight on the app, along with my food intake, in order for the app to be helpful. So the numbers I posted to my app are horrifying to me and I am so embarrassed. Even now I am afraid and ashamed to post my numbers here for anyone to know what I have done.
Did I tell you I am ashamed?
Definition of SHAME: from Websters Dictionary
Definition of SHORTCOMING
I have asked so many of you to join me in prayer and encouragement to me, through this blog, and I have not kept up my end of the bargain. I am sorry for that. I need your continued prayer and encouragement. I need, more than ever, My Jesus.
My prayer for myself is that I will be able to be truthful, with myself and with you. That I will lean on Jesus for every bit of strength and willpower that I need. And that I will come out on the other side of this journey an stronger person, in my faith and my physical body.
My starting weight and measurements will have to remain on my iPhone only. I cannot post them here. Would you pray that I will allow Jesus to change that part of me. Would you pray for me that I will allow Jesus to change me?
I will keep you all posted on how this diet is going. Perhaps one day, in the near future I will not feel shame, weak willed and fearful and I will be able to share those numbers with you, and maybe then, I will ask you to pray for all my many successes. Not because of how awesome I am, or how I am doing on this diet program, but because of my successful journey with Jesus!
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